10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations.. .

(1.) At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. .
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

(2.) In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.. ...why don't you try again.

(3.) At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

(4.) At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is ! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

(5.) At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years... Stupid Question:- Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

(6.) When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money.

(7.) When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.

(8.) When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding.... ..

(9.) At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

(10.) You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle .......it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!

What goes around comes around....

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer.

One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.

"I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life."

"No, I can't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer replied, waving off the offer.

At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel. "Is that your son?" the nobleman asked.

"Yes," the farmer replied proudly.

"I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of."

And that he did.

Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, he graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.

Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia. What saved his life this time?

Penicillin.

The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill.

His son's name? Sir Winston Churchill.

Someone once said:
"What goes around comes around."

Motivational Quotes

"If you want to reach a goal, you must 'see the reaching' in your own mind before you actually arrive at your goal." — Zig Ziglar.

"So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable." — Christopher Reeve.

"The secret of happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles." — William Penn.

"Though bitter, good medicine cures illness. Though it may hurt, loyal criticism will have beneficial effects." — Sima Qian.

"Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears." — Les Brown.

We must look for ways to be an active force in our own lives. We must take charge of our own destinies, design a life of substance and truly begin to live our dreams." — Les Brown.

"The only limits to the possibilities in your life tomorrow are the buts you use today." — Les Brown.

husband vs wife diary..

--------HER DIARY---------
This evening, I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late,but he made no comment.Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.I asked him what was wrong - he said,"Nothing."I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving.I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say,"I love you,too." When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV.

He seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

---------HIS DIARY---------
Today Australia lost the cricket test against England.
DAMN IT

THE JORNEY by mary oliver

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice--

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do--

determined to save

the only life you could save.

Quotes by paulo coelho

• There is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it's because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It's your mission on earth.
• When we love, we always strive to become better than we are.When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.
• Everything that is done in the present affects the future in the form of consequence and affects the past in the form of redemption.
• We are all different, and should do what we can do to remain so.

The splashes of life....

My grandfather took me to the fish pond on the farm whenI was about seven, and he told me to throw a stone into the water.He told me to watch the circles created by the stone. Then he asked me to think of myself as that stone person.

"You may create lots of splashes in your life but the waves that come from those splashes will disturb the peace of allyour fellow creatures," he said. "Remember that you are responsible for what you put in your circle and that circle will also touch manyother circles. You will need to live in a way that allows the goodthat comes from your circle to send the peace of that goodness toothers. The splash that comes from anger or jealousy will send those feelings to other circles. You are responsible for both."

That was the first time I realized each person creates the innerpeace or discord that flows out into the world. We cannotcreate world peace if we are riddled with inner conflict, hatred, doubt, or anger. We radiate the feelings and thoughts that wehold inside, whether we speak them or not. Whatever is splashingaround inside of us is spilling out into the world, creating beautyor discord with all other circles of life..

change ur outlook

There was a millionaire who was bothered by severe eye pain. He consulted so many physicians and was getting his treatment done. He did not stop consulting galaxy of medical experts;

He consumed heavy loads of drugs and underwent hundreds of injections. But the ache persisted with great vigour than before. At last a monk who has supposed to be an expert in treating such patients was called for by the millionaire.

The monk understood his problem and said that for sometime he should concentrate only on green colours and not to fall his eyes on any other colours. The millionaire got together a group of painters and purchased barrels of green color and directed that every object his eye was likely to fall to be painted in green colour just as the monk had directed.

When the monk came to visit him after few days, the millionaire's servants ran with buckets of green paints and poured on him since he was in red dress, lest their master not see any other colour and his eye ache would come back. Hearing this monk laughed said "If only you had purchased a pair of green spectacles, worth just a few rupees, you could have saved these walls and trees and pots and all other articles and also could have saved a large share of his fortune.

You cannot paint the world green." Let us change our vision and the world will appear accordingly. It is foolish to shape the world, let us shape ourselves first. Let’s change our vision..!!

Think simple, Live simple...

That which is funny about man

A disciple asked Hejasi:-
I want to know what is the most funny thing about human beings.
Hejasi said:-
"That they always think crooked: they're in a hurry to grow, then lament their lost childhood, and soon loose the money they need to keep their health."
"They are so anxious about the future, that they neglect the present, and thus live in neither the present nor the future."
"They live as if they were never going to die, and die as if they had never lived"

HAPPY NEW YEAR...

The Gift of a New Year

Here’s to the year
that’s almost past its expiration date—2007.
We all had some surprises, didn’t we?
Some good, some distressing.
Let’s use everything we got from our experiences,
everything we learned,
to enrich the new year.

Here’s to the new year, 2008,
a gift we haven’t opened yet.
May its bright, shiny package
contain even more than we hope for.

And even while we’re delighting in new treasures,
let’s appreciate fully what we already have—
the blessings we take for granted.
Make a list, and check it twice.

I hope in the new year
you see yourselves the way I see you:
intelligent, interesting, and likable.

To 2008:
May it give a whole new meaning
to the phrase, "the good life."

By Joanna Fuchs

Strange laws....

Here's our fabulous collection of Strange Laws that can
date back very far. Most of these laws remain in the books
today, even if rarely enforced.

• In Miami, it is forbidden to imitate an animal.[ bow bow,meow meow...]
  
• In North Carolina, it is against the law for dogs and cats to fight.[ poor dogs :-) ]
  
• In Georgia, it's against the law to spread a false rumor.[ i think this one s necessary...]
  
• In Virginia, chickens cannot lay eggs before 8:00 a.m., and must be done before 4:00 p.m.[ this s crrazy ]
  
• In Kentucky, it's the law that a person must take a bath once a year.[ mm lucky people]
  

My best friend

Today I found a friend
who knew everything I felt
she knew my weakness
and the problems I've been dealt.
She understood my wonders
and listened to my dreams,
she listened to how I felt about life and love
and knew what it all means.
Not once did she interrupt me
or tell me I was wrong
she understood what I was going through
and promised she'd stay long.
I reached out to this friend,
to show her that I care
to pull her close and let her know
how much I need her there.
I went to hold her hand
to pull her a bit nearer
and I realized this perfect friend I found
was nothing but a mirror....

The Wisdom of Einstein

• Knowledge:
  The Search for the truth and Knowledge is one of the finest attributes of a man, though often it is most loudly voiced by those who strive for it the least.
• Authority:
  To punish me for my contempt of authority, fate has made me an authority myself.
• Truth:
  It is difficult to say what truth is, but sometimes it is easy to recognize a falsehood.
• Cooperation:
  A hundred times a day I remind myself that my inner and outer lives are based on the labors of other people, living and dead and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.
• Wisdom:
  Wisdom is not a product of schooling, but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it.
• Greatness:
  There is only one road to human greatness: through the school of hard knocks.
• Happiness:
  A happy man is too satisfied with the present to dwell too much on the future.
• Fame:
  With fame I become more and more stupid, which of course is a very common phenomenon.
• Life:
  Life is sacred, that is to say, it is the supreme value, to which all other values are subordinate.
• Ageing:
  I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don't have to.
• Praise:
  The only way to escape the personal corruption of praise is to go on working.
• Problems:
  Fear or stupidity has always been the basis of most human actions.
• Relativity:
  An hour sitting with a pretty girl on a park bench passes like a minute, but a minute sitting on a hot stove seems like an hour.
• Goals:
  One should not pursue goals that are easily achieved. One must develop an instinct for what one can barely achieve through one's greatest efforts.
• Racism:
  The only remedies against race and prejudice are enlightenment and education. This is a slow and painstaking process.
• Solitude:
  I lived in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.
• Value:
  Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.
• Imagination:
  When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come close to the conclusion that the gift of imagination has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing absolute knowledge

I Have Learned.....

I’ve learned-that u can do something in an instant that will give u heartache 4 life.

I’ve learned-that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I’ve learned-that we are responsible 4 what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned-that either u control your attitude or it controls u.

I’ve learned-that just because someone doesn’t love u the way u want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love u with all they have.

I’ve learned-that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes u have to learn to forgive yourself.

I’ve learned-that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

cute ones.....

SAID BY SWAMI VIVEKANANDA

When I Asked God for Strength
He Gave Me Difficult Situations to Face

When I Asked God for Brain
He Gave Me Puzzles in Life to Solve

When I Asked God for Happiness
He Showed Me Some Unhappy People

When I Asked God for Wealth
He Showed Me How to Work Hard

When I Asked God for Favors
He Showed Me Opportunities to Work Hard

When I Asked God for Peace
He Showed Me How to Help Others

God Gave Me Nothing I Wanted
He Gave Me Everything I Needed

Life Still Has A Meaning

If there is a future there is time for mending-

Time to see your troubles coming to an ending.

If there is time for wishing then there is time for hoping-

When through doubt and darkness you are blindly groping.

Though the heart be heavy and hurt you may be feeling-

If there is time for praying there is time for healing.

If with harvest over there is grain enough for gleaning-

There is a new tomorrow and life still has meaning.

The Gossip

A woman repeated a bit of gossip about a neighbor. Within a few days the whole community knew the story. The person it concerned was deeply hurt and offended. Later the woman responsible for spreading the rumor learned that it was completely untrue. She was very sorry and went to a wise old sage to find out what she could do to repair the damage.

"Go to the marketplace," he said, "and purchase a chicken, and have it killed. Then on your way home, pluck its feathers and drop them one by one along the road."
Although surprised by this advice, the woman did what she was told.
The next day the wise man said, "Now go and collect all those feathers you dropped yesterday and bring them back to me."

The woman followed the same road, but to her dismay, the wind had blown the feathers all away. After searching for hours, she returned with only three in her hand.
"You see," said the old sage, "it's easy to drop them, but it's impossible to get them back.
So it is with gossip. It doesn't take much to spread a rumor, but once you do, you can never completely undo the wrong."

Memory's Friend

Should your past be a lifetimes’ trial
Of lessons trained in joy and tears

Such recall of this lifetimes’ style

Is help to those with similar fears

No time, in its quality, is the same

Some good, or bad, in mood’s reflection

Remembered are the ways one overcame

The worst of times in recollection

Smile at those hours when all was dark

How you fought your way into the light

How bold ideas became inspired spark

Which then became a tool of insight

Should a friend need such confidence

Who sits in dark times, all alone

Help shoulder the burden of such torments
Sift your mind when time felt the groan.

Bring forth the trial you similarly face

Infuse your friend with advice of time

Help in constructive ways, memory traced

Take away bad and allow the good to climb.

Often the past can be put to the good

What seemed bad is well in the end

Your memory can be nourishing food

If put to good use when helping a friend.

FRIEND

'JUST ME'

Accept me as I am-I have no guarantee.
A claim to perfection I have not.
Perfect I cannot be.
I, like you.... ,am human.
Prone to make mistakes.
Failure is not a character flaw,
Just a part of the human makeup.
I live, I laugh and I also learn.
My knowledge is incomplete.
I am searching all the time,
in waking hours as well as sleep.
I have a long road to travel,
as well as you do.
We learn our lessons on the way.
Wisdom we shall acquire.
Accept me as I am
Because I am ....me.
And You are you.
No one like me in the world.This is my only guarantee.

Real strength

She lays her head on my shoulder
She lets free all her fears
I do my best to hold her
And end the trembling tears

We sit there in silence
Then we talk for a while
I say something funny And I make her smile
And she asks, "Why are you always so happy?"
"How can you never be sad?"
"You're always here to catch me."
"But who's got your back?"

I just shrug and laugh
I push the conversation on, I hold it all in
And I break down when she's gone
I'm never really that happy

I'm almost always down
But I just hold it all in, until no one else is around
You wouldn't cry to me
If you didn't think I was strong

So I can't break down, unless you're gone
You'd have to be like me
And never shed a tear
If you didn't think, that I had no fears
I always feel so empty

But I guess you'll never know I’m always swallowing my pain
So that it won't show I'm never really that happy...

New Year 2007

May your life be filled with
fragrance of roses in this New Year

I wish you Peace In this New year

Resolution on this New Year:
Choose to love-rather than hate.
Choose to smile-rather than frown.
Choose to build-rather than destroy.
Choose to persevere-rather than quit.
Choose to praise-rather than gossip.
Choose to heal-rather than wound.
Choose to give-rather than take.
Choose to act-rather than delay.
Choose to forgive-rather than curse.
Choose to pray-rather than despair

Student & Professor - A Conversation with sense

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty. He asks one of His new students to stand and.....
Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student : Yes.
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God Didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm? (Student is silent.)
Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?
Student :Yes.
Prof: Is Satan good?
Student : No.
Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student : From...God.. .
Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student : Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Prof: So who created evil? (Student does not answer.)
Prof: Is there sickness? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student :Yes, sir.
Prof: So, who created them? (Student has no answer.)
Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student : No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student : No , sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelled your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student : Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light.... But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue There is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir? (The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher? (The class is in uproar.)
Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain? (The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelled it?.....No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable. )
Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student : That is it, sir.. The link between man & god is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive. You know who this young man was?
------ ---------ALBERT EINSTEIN------------ ------

The Charles Schultz Philosophy

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. (You don't have to answer the questions.)
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners .

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with .

Easier? The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care .